I Have Something To Say

Sunday, May 31, 2020

And you might not like it, but I don't care. My city was destroyed last night after long peaceful protests. My city was destroyed last night after Greensboro PD closed down roads and accommodated protesters for many hours. Small businesses downtown were ruined and vandalized. Non-profit organizations, including a cat rescue had their windows busted out. As if Covid-19 wasn't enough, these (small) businesses now have to replace thousands of dollars worth of merchandise and rebuild, I'm not talking about Target and auto zone. Do I condone it, as a small business owner no, but it’s not my place to understand why. When it comes to human life, NONE of that REALLY matters. I would rather watch my city burn to the ground than to have to watch that video again. Matter of fact, I could only watch seconds of the video, but the snapshot image alone was enough for me.. enough for me to get the big picture, and enough for my internal light bulb to turn the f on. 

I was very vocal towards friends and family members when I was in a interracial relationship, but when I got out of that relationship, I was no longer as vocal. Of course, my love for my brothers and sisters of color has never changed, but I stopped expressing it as much and I genuinely feel guilty. 

White people, now is the time to speak up.

I look at my daughter and I can only hope that no one ever kills her one day because they don't like the way she looks. I told Travis the other night to sort of put things in perspective and break it down a tad, I said "what if people were out to get you and wanted to kill you because you have red hair? How scary would that be? What if they wanted to kill Sawyer, because her dad passed down genetic red hair and people didn't find it as beautiful as we did?" He replied "yeah, that's scary." 


I've had the luxury of not having to feel fear over someone wanting to kill my child, I've had the luxury of not really fearing for my own life, because I'm white. WHY ARE OTHER RACES NOT ENTITLED TO THIS LUXURY? While I consider myself a strong Christian, I'm not going to go into a sermon. But dang, WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD. My baby will never ask me why her God or her Santa isn't the same color as she is. If my baby ever felt unequal, it would eat me up inside. This is what POC are going through, every day. White people, how often do you speak to your children about racism? POC, how often do you speak to your children about racism? I'm sure both of these answers are very different. I've seen many posts about "It starts in the home" and by God it does.. I just hope you aren't resharing that in order to keep your Instagram followers, or to NOT stay silent, and that you really feel that way. A couple days ago on my facebook someone (a white person, not very close to me or my family) decided to comment on a picture of my daughter, along the lines of "SO sheltered. Tell her about the innocent black man that just got murdered by the police." BOY that lit me up, and I'll tell you why... I work hard, everyday to teach Sawyer manners, to respect, to love as much as you can a one year old. I want her to be VERY educated and cultured- I may have never expressed that to "facebook world" but that does not change the fact that I am raising her in such a way. She has toys of all races, she watches shows/movies of all races/cultures.. Moana, Coco, Doc McStuffins to name a few. And when Sawyer is old enough to discuss MURDER and bad cops killing innocent black people, we will discuss it. I felt bad after I went off on the guy on facebook, not for him, but for my fellow black friends who may have read it. The entire time I was responding to the "sheltered" comment and did not even acknowledge George Floyd, so I deleted it. I think sometimes as parents, we only see our child in the picture (because they are our entire world), and it's hard. All of this is hard. (Bare with me because I’m admitting my flaws and I know they can be portrayed as being insentive or na├»ve). 


I've been rambling in my mind over and over, replaying facebook videos/comments in my head, going from angry, to sad, to it'll be ok, to we need prayer.. just a bunch of emotions, as i'm sure you all are. I don't really know where I was going with this post, but I needed to jot my feelings down. I've always used my blog as a way to get out what i'm feeling on the inside. At this point, my conclusion, I think white people have a lot of learning to do. I think this particular time is a great start, and it DOES start in the home, BUT don't just say that... let's do something about it. 

1 comment

  1. Awesome! Thanks for being transparent and real. We start talking about racism at the age of 5 right before elementary school starts.


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